In the computer lab today, I got an earful when I assigned this writing task:

"Imagine that you woke up this morning and discovered that you have been transformed into a dog, a cat, a fish, or some other kind of animal.  How does the world seem different when viewed through the eyes of this animal?  Write an essay using sensory details to describe the world from an animal's point of view."

I thought this would be a fun, enjoyable essay for my students to write.  In their Writing classes, they often have to write argumentative essays and compare/contrast essays on heavy topics.  "This should be a nice change for them," I thought. 

After I explained the assignment, most of the students got started right away, but I noticed that one student was just sitting there.  I walked over to him, hoping to encourage him and suggest some techniques for beginning.

"How are you doing?" I asked. 

He glared at his screen.  "I have no ideas."

"Okay, well you could try--"

"I have no idea.  This is stupid topic!" 

If I were new at this whole teaching English as a Second Language thing, I might have gotten offended.  Instead, I burst out laughing, causing some other students to jump.  "I know it's a stupid topic!" I responded.  He looked at me like, "Wha?"

"It's stupid, but you're still going to write about it." I continued.  "Here, open up the 'Make a Plan' screen and try freewriting or listing to get your ideas flowing."  Then I just left him to it for the rest of the period.  He mostly stared at the keyboard, his hands or the window blinds, but occasionally I saw him type words here and there.  Sometimes, you have to just let students struggle on their own.   

I learn a lot about other countries' cultures when I teach writing.  Today, I asked my level 7 students write a how-to essay about the process of cleaning a room.  I thought it was a rather simple assignment, perhaps even too easy for my advanced students.  Twenty minutes after I had given the assignment, however, one student raised his hand and called me over to his computer.  I walked over to him and saw that he had not typed anything yet.  Puzzled, I asked him what was going on.

"I have never cleaned a room before," he explained.  "I have no experience with this, so how can I write about it?"

"Um..." I fished about for some sort of answer to this dilemma.  Who has never cleaned a room?  I truly didn't understand how one could be in his mid-30's and not know such a thing.  I mean, seriously?  Was he joking?

The student sensed my confusion.  "That doesn't mean the room is dirty.  It gets cleaned," he further clarified. 

"Oh!  So someone cleans it.  You just don't do it yourself," I caught on.  (I also thought I had a pretty good idea of the gender of the actual cleaner.)  "Well, maybe you can write about how to get someone else to clean a room for you."

"Okay," the student answered.  Problem solved.  Kind of.

Today in my Beginning English class, I was about to start my students on a new reading passage when a goateed man raised his hand and asked, "Teacher, is there a boar in this?"

"Um," I hesitated, "Sorry?"

"A boar, a boar," he repeated, pointing to a bag of Skittles he had taken from his bag.  Some of his friends tried to explain what he was trying to say.  -"No, he mean bort."  -"No no, do it have bord!"  

I was confused and quite embarrassed that I had no idea what my entire class was asking of me.  They were very earnest and I could tell this was important to them.  I tried to use what I knew about them to conjecture what they might be getting at.  Let's see, they're from Saudi Arabia, they're men...and that was all I could think of.  We hadn't gotten to anything deeper in our class discussions.  As I puzzled over the possibilities of what my students wanted to communicate, another energetic student pointed emphatically at the Skittles and said, "An American say this have boar.  My friend ask and the American say yes it have boar."

I was still stumped.  Again, I reviewed what I knew about my students.  They're from Saudi Arabia, they're men, and...oh!  They're Muslim!  They don't eat pork.  

"You mean pork!" I exclaimed, ecstatic that I finally knew what was going on in my classroom.  "No, Skittles do not have pork in them.  Who told you that?"

"An American," my Skittles-holding student replied.  "He say it have pork.  Right here."  He pointed to the ingredients list.  

Now, I was pretty sure that Skittles do not have pork in them.  But what kind of a horrible person would tell a Muslim - who clearly doesn't speak very good English - that there was pork in something that didn't actually have pork in it?  Especially if it's something delicious like Skittles which the Muslim learner of English was clearly looking forward to eating.  I checked the ingredients list just to make sure.  Nope, no pork.  No meat products of any kind in the Skittles.

"There is definitely no pork in this," I said, as kindly as I could while trying not to laugh.  "The American was only joking."  Privately, I was thinking that that American, whoever he was, was a huge jerk.  But if I focus on the positive aspects of this experience, I can remind myself that I am privileged to be a teacher.  By virtue of my position, my students trust me to tell them the truth.  I will not betray that trust; I will always be honest with them.